Regret

I.

Sitting on my bed

I stared at the picture on my wall.

Surrounded by discarded tissues,

it felt like my heart, was being

wrenched in two.

Alone in my room, I held myself

as tears streamed down my face.

Filled to the core with sorrow,

all I could do was shake my head

as the words no! no! no! no! no

poured out of me.

I had just lost my father.

II.

Words cannot describe the emptiness,

the sorrow, the pain, and  most of all, the guilt.

Shoulders shuddering, I sobbed

into the night.

I couldn’t help but play over and over

In my mind

the incident of the day before.

The stupidity of my actions plagues

me ever since.

III.

It’s been five years now, and

I’m still overwhelmed with guilt.

For he had called the night before

wanting to talk.

Like a fool, not realizing how

significant the call was,

I told him I’d call him back the next day.

Why, you asked?

-  because I had some friends over.

My father died in his sleep that night.

IV.

How stupid!

How ignorant of me

to think life is guaranteed!

How ...

How I wish I could rewind time

Just a little bit

I promise

It would only be for that night

Please, just for that night.

V.

Would it be possible, I wonder,

to call the cosmo into order

To align the stars

So I could rewrite

the mistake of that night

Father, I would sit, with my legs crossed,

Probably on my couch or preferably

On my bed

I would sit and talk to you for as long

as you want me to

VI.

I would tell you how much

I loved you

Tell you how much you mean to me

How much you’ve given me

How much I appreciate you

I would forgive you for the things

I now know to be beyond your control.

I would tell you what a wonderful

father you were

I would promise anything you want.

VII.

I would wish upon a falling star

If it means going back to right

the wrong of that night.

However, since I do not possess

the magic needed, to call the cosmo into order

I’ll say I’m sorry

I couldn’t bid you farewell

on that fateful night.

 I'm sorry and I love you. Rest In Peace, Father.

- Florence